the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You are the jesus of drinking
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
