He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
