Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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