I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
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We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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