Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
