Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
