The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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