Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
This show inspires me to have sex in space
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
