I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
