R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
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i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
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nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
In other news, I just burned my penis
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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