12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
