He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
