Only a mothe r could love this liver
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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