i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
