so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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