he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
