i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
