The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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