I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
