I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
