He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
