it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
