11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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