with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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