yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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