You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
