Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
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I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
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Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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