i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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