make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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