There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
