my mouth tastes like poor choices
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
