Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
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I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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