You can't motorboat a personality
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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