I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize