She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
