Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
