quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
