Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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