Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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