I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
