Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
