I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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