Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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