I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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