Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
