sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
