u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
