I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
