You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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