Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
