Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
