You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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