soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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