I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
