everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
And then he peed in my hair
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