The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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