just tell him i said nine months
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
