This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
