he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
