Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
