im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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